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I should, they should

Along my inner journey, I’ve been amazed at quite how complex the rules I have been living with are.. mostly about “should”s, they also include lots of “needs” and “wants” too. I used to feel ashamed of this complex inner world, especially with the labels that get bandied around…

Enter the world of coaching and suddenly you’re quite entitled, nay, encouraged to step right up to those bizarre little thoughts and get up close and personal with them… Gone is the ideal guru-hood with a polished veneer of tranquility. Instead we are opening up the undercarriage of our thoughts to embrace them with love… for these emanate from DNA, wounding, inherited trauma along with floating around the ether… pretending they’re not there doesn’t quite cut it any more… We are making peace with the ALL… .

And so last night I was pondering about the amounts of “I should….. “ in my life, and a long list of thoughts wanted to come and play….. You see, really, they are a list of falsehoods that aren’t true or they’d be real and in front of me… Thank you Byron Katie and “The Work” for this simplified understanding.. you are a legend…

I get to thinking, why do I sometimes think or believe “I should” and at other times, despite my best intention of not projecting, I say, think or believe “they should”? What is the difference? Why do we sometimes beat ourselves up, and other times beat others up?…

Then this morning, BINGO!

One I feel is the wounded masculine - an external projection, “They should do this”, “I must tell them that”, “They really need to….” , and oh boy I’ve been there done that with bells and whistles, apologies those of you who’ve been on the end of my intrusive words…. Enter the wisdom of Katie, and we can see how we need to just “mind our own business”…. I laugh aloud remembering how many times I wish people would “butt out” of my health and wellbeing… Oh, really Caroline? Perhaps you might want to do the same….? Bless my wounded masculine, the overdrive of external control. Bless you indeed.

And so, the “I should”, feels of course like the wounded feminine… looking after the world, wanting to help and heal everyone and yet never quite looking after herself… and everything is her fault. I’m not going to ask for my needs to be met, I’ll just beat up on myself until I do something right, then perhaps they world will look out for me….

You might not see this twisting tale as simplified to the sexes, but for me I can feel my edges the nuances, when I go in to my masculine or feminine and the difference when I’m sat squarely in the middle, in my heart, sitting in peace and acceptance. When triggered I might project forwards, I MUST, I WANT, I WILL along side with THEY MUST etc…. this energy feels like a protrusion coming out of my solar plexus as I push reality faster than it wants to go, not trusting the divine plan, and only when I simmer back down do I feel the peace once more… And what does this protrusion look like…? It’s no coincidence the masculine sex protrudes out of the body…

Whilst on the other hand, the part that feels I CAN’T, and I want THEM to do it for me, is less forceful, more introverted, more fearful, and the drag is out the back of my body, along with energies lagging behind from my sacral area too… My feet stuck in the mud, I feel not allowed, and am crying out for a man to stand by my side and give me the strength I fail to see I already have within me…And what is this cave I feel, the emptiness that needs filling?… No wonder we fit together so damned well…

My dear little mind has been coping with these complexities since I can remember, and whilst many exhibit said behaviours without realising it, I’ve been watching from the inside, trapped, a tiny fleck of awareness despite the out chaos, without knowing how the bloody hell to stop the ride. Until the likes of Byron Katie, Christian Mickelson, Derek Rydall and a whole host of modern sages, coaches who have done the work, sitting with their vulnerability, and leading the way for the rest of us.

I hit the jackpot when I found coaching and all the modern self help tools available to us now. I love healing, I love anything to do with spiritual awakening, awareness and the other realms but this slippery little subject of thoughts somehow has needed quite a gritty and grounded way of staring right in the face of them rather than turning foot and chanting Om… which is all very well until you stop! Or of course obtain Buddha-hood.

For more information about "The Work", visit www.thework.com.

For a free session to talk through some of your own "should"s, book through the link on the website here and let's do some work!

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"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; suddenly you are doing the impossible." - Francis of Assisi