For much of my life I was in surrender mode - whatever came up I followed along. I didn’t wish for much, and during the inner work I have been doing over the last few years, I realise that was not actually about surrender to a “bigger” force, rather the belief that I wasn’t “allowed it”. Whatever “it” was. Yes those are the exact words that I have often said to myself “Are you allowed?”, or “Is it right?”.
Where that has come from in my life who knows, who cares, the fact that it was there and had thwarted every idea or vision for my life that came and went. And so recently, the point came in my life, that was so clear that if I didn’t start changing in a very deep and profound way, my life really would have slipped through my fingers and I’d be crossing over somewhat sheepishly, knowing that I hadn't achieved all I hoped for before I incarnated!
And so, on one hand I have been working hard to delve deep, to really identify triggers and deep rooted unhealthy habits and patterns so I can live my dream life, and on the other, somewhat ironically, I am re-learning what it really means to let go, to surrender.
There is much talk of setting intentions these days, and every new moon can be an invitation to set a bunch of wishes to the “cosmic ordering scheme”. However, one thing I really have learnt on my path is that things that come to us that are the best, are often totally out of the blue. The night out, the job offer, the day trip - if we plan it too much, the room for spontaneity is very little, and we are controlling a universe that wishes to “flow”!
So now what? Well, many have said to me I dream too big and try too hard. Now I’m all about saying YES to the dreams, without the trying so hard! In the end, taking small steps is one thing, pushing so hard up a hill that you barely move quite another. So my work of late is consisting of practising the art of really delving in to my visions, the FEELINGS that they evoke and letting that vibration carry me to easily accomplish the task in hand, the one small step forward at a time.
This is taking a lot of practise after years of pushing without really much dreaming, all upside down and getting no-where. The funny thing is, I realise that I have been astrally projecting most of my life having found my Earth life challenging and somewhat boring compared to the other realms where what we think is manifested instantly. Of course Earth in the 3D has been somewhat slower and therefore I feel frustrating not just to me, but many others also, when dreaming is no problem at all.
Why the mismatch? When the third eye is developed (or blown open due to LSD, or other substances!), it’s very easy to tap in to Divine Mind, the infinite flow of creativity. However, the challenge then is to fully ground the idea, to nurture until it is fully baked, and to really have the faith to follow the steps however “out there” or challenging they might be to our human selves.
And that is where the surrender is. Trusting that our visions are real, but letting go how, when and who might make it all happen! That is my challenge today. Dream big and then take a small step. If we listen inside, we get very good answers too as to what that small step is. It just takes some discipline to actually listen… Here’s working on it!